Psalm 147:3) He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. We have all been brokenhearted at some point in our lives, some of us more than others. I spent most of my life being hurt by someone, starting at age 6 when two different family members began molesting me. But I made the decision to allow Jesus to heal those wounds, and he has. Have I forgotten those memories? No I have not but I have let go of the shame and guilt from them. I don’t spend every day thinking about them. In Romans12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. By allowing Jesus to transform my mind I have let go of the pain, guilt, and self hatred and now I concentrate on helping other women who have been through pain.

If you are a wife and mom, like I am, your family depends on you. To be there for them we have to be whole. I know you may think you can never be whole again because of the wounds, but you can! Jesus can make you whole again, he can take those wounds heal them and use them for his glory. As long as we carry around our pain we can not be the person our family needs. Wounded people wound other people. When we are wounded we strike out at the ones closest to us. We are in so much pain that we want someone else to feel that pain. But it is time for the pain to stop!!

I made the decision that my husband and son needs me so I allowed Jesus to take over and I began the healing journey. Won’t you allow him to heal you? You do not have to live in fear and dread. You do not have to stay where they left you. You can decide to be pitiful or you can choose to be powerful. You can be victim or you can be victor. You are an amazing woman and you are the daughter of God. Don’t quit! Make the decision to not allow the devil to walk on you any longer. Let Jesus take over those wounds, allow him to love you unconditionally and transform your mind. Let him take you on a healing journey..Let go and let God lead!!!

I Am Here

I saw you when they all walked away and left you. I felt your heart rip into a million pieces when you looked around and no one was there. But I was there.

When you felt all alone and so unloved I felt the pain. When he rejected you and could not return the love that you had spent so many years giving to him, I felt that pain.

I saw every tear that you hid in the bathroom and cried so no one would see, I saw them. The long nights you laid awake wondering why you were not enough I had my arms wrapped around you.

When you had to bury your baby girl and you just wanted to lie down and die with her. When you replayed every bad memory of her illness and felt that your life was over I was there.

I wanted to take away every pain, dry every tear, and allow each relationship tp last but I couldn’t. If those events and heartaches had not have happened you would not be the woman you are now. The world needs the strong determined woman that you have become through those experiences. Other women need you to lead them, to show them that they can make it.

I am here! And I am so glad you kept pushing through the pain, overcoming the obstacles, and loved anyways. Well done my good and faithful servant.. Well done.. I am here

When God Says No

It is easy to have faith and praise God when things are good and he is answering your prayers. When we are standing on top of that mountain looking at all of the blessings he has poured out on us. But what about when he tells us no? Is it still that easy? Do you still praise him?

I have always loved God, feared him, and prayed to him. I knew he loved me and was an awesome God. But May 29th, 2016 my faith was put to the biggest test of my entire life. And I won’t lie, my relationship with God was strained.

My 14 year old daughter (Nessa) began acting strange and having horrible headaches. I took her to the ER and was told they believed she had meningitis and needed to send her to the Childrens hospital to know for sure. My husband and I followed the ambulance transporting my baby on the hour trip.

The resident doctor assured us she did not have meningitis but was suffering migraines. Gave her a cocktail and allowed us to take her home. That was the beginning of our nightmare journey that would forever change our lives.

Nessa continued to have the headaches, was unable to function. I took her to the ER again. Just a migraine they said. Took her to her doctor on June 10th. (Migraine). By this time I felt hopeless. I could see my baby suffering and no one was helping us. The night of June 11th I was up with her all night. She was hurting and just acting strange. She said Mom you need to take me to another doctor.

July 12th I got her up and was helping her into the shower so I could once again take her to the ER. She just lost all control of her body. I helped dress her and yelled for my husband (her stepdad) to help me get her into the living room. She collapsed on the floor. We called an ambulance. She looked right at me and asked what mama was doing. She didn’t know me.

She was diagnosed with bacterial meningitis and placed on a ventilator. My baby was on life support. For the next 7 weeks I watched her go through stroke after stroke. A 14 year old child. She had to have a shunt placed in her head, a feeding tube placed, and never spoke a word.

For 7 weeks I prayed to God. While people kept telling me to pull the plug, I prayed to God to heal my baby. Here she was a healthy girl now blind, and just a shell. On July 30th she had a heart attack. They revived her but she had no brain activity. I knew God was telling me to set her free so I told them to let her go. When they removed the life support. The girl who had not moved for 7 weeks turned her head, looked at me and smiled.

I knew she was going home and was going to be free but I was in so much pain. That was my baby I was letting go. But knowing that she is in heaven made me devote my life even more to God. I promised her I would see her again and I will not break that promise.

I know without a doubt that I would not have made it if it were not for God. I was too weak and tired to walk so he carried me through the days. He took me into his loving arms and carried me. He held me as I spent day after day crying. And at the same time he was taking care of my baby.

It hurts when God tells us no to our prayer. But he knows what we can not see. I wanted him to let me keep my child. He knew she had taken all she could and she needed to be with him to be healed. I was selfish and did not want to hurt. He wanted to set my child free from pain and hurt. He knew she would never be her until he took her to heaven. He knew what I was unable to see. He knew best so he had to tell me no! But he was faithful to help me endure like when he gave his son for me..

Joshua 1:9

     I would like to start by explaining why I chose the name Joshua 1.9 Women!! Joshua 1.9 (Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go..) I have always felt a calling to share my life and to help other women who have been through what I have but to be honest I never thought I could and that I was not educated enough. One night my husband (Donald) and I was having a date night (watching a movie) and Donald saw a sign in the background that said Joshua 1:9, he asked me to look it up. From that moment on he and I both knew that it was the motto of our lives.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Women who have been through abuse, whether sexual, verbal, or physical are strong and courageous. So if you have ever been told you are weak or afraid remember (the devil is a liar). You are strong, you are courageous, you are God’s masterpiece. I had it drilled into my head for so many years that I was a weak scared little girl and I could not make it without someone taking care of me. Those were lies to control me. I AM STRONG!! And so are you..

Do not be afraid and do not be discouraged!! I still fight bouts of being afraid and anxiety. Afraid my husband will find someone younger and prettier ( even though he tells me every day I am beautiful). Afraid I will fail. But God says in Psalms 139:14 ( I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.) Now if God made us wonderfully why do we let it break us when someone tells us we are bad, ugly, fat, or worthless? God thought we were worth dying for!!! Genesis 1:27( God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created them) So we are created in the image of our God but we hate ourselves? So we are telling the almighty God, the creator of the Universe that he made a mistake when he made us because we are trash…

For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go!! Ladies this verse assures us that every step of our journey to healing God will be with us. He will never leaves us nor forsake us. He loves us so much that he stretched out his hands and feet, was nailed to a cross, died, and rose again to set us free. Not only to set us free from sin but to set the captives free. We ladies are captives from our abuse, our past, and yes even our sins. It is time to stand up!! Be brave and courageous! Allow Jesus Christ to set us free. He can and will make us new again. He will heal our wounds and turn our mess into a message. He will take us from being a victim to being victorious!!!